Secrets inside the Westman Family: Has Mary Westman Been Wrongly Vilified?
Mary Grace Westman has been demonized for her son’s transition and subsequent violent extremism. But new information reveals the public may have been wrong
Editor’s note Sept. 1, 2025: This story has been updated with additional information.
I spoke to someone who knows the family of the Minneapolis trans mass shooter. According to this source, it was James (Jim) Allen Westman — not Mary Grace Westman — who was the most affirming of Robert’s (Robin) gender dysphoria. Jim is very liberal, as I saw on his social media before he deleted it. Before and after the divorce, the couple’s five children allegedly looked to him for affirmation on choices their mother wouldn’t support.
“Mary Grace was very conservative and Jim was not,” the source says. She had been involved in pro-life activism and had given birth to many children. “Because of this dynamic, the kids always went behind Mary Grace’s back to Jim for approval of doing things she didn’t approve.”
In the aftermath of the Annunciation Catholic Church mass shooting on Wednesday, Ms Westman (née Wilson), 67, has been ruthlessly vilified by mobs on social media because her signature appeared on the court paperwork that allowed Robert to legally transition as a minor. (In Minnesota, both parents typically have to consent to a child’s identity change.) But the source believes Ms Westman was under immense pressure — from professionals, doctors and family — all warning her that unless she signed, her son would kill himself. This threat is a familiar line from mainstream trans groups: transition or suicide.
The online mob rage against Ms Westman grew as Minneapolis Police said she wasn’t returning contact with them from her home in Naples, Fla. She also retained a criminal defense lawyer. But it is not unusual for someone not to speak to law enforcement without retaining counsel. Her Florida home was visited by the FBI after the shooting, but no one appeared to be there, according to local media. She was reportedly on her way back to Minnesota to be with her children.
Mr Westman, 62, lives in Minneapolis and is a Geographic Information Systems (GIS) application developer for tech company Esri. The company is a world leader in developing software for digital maps.
According to the source, the Westmans divorced due to a values misalignment regarding child-rearing. Ms Westman was very much a traditionalist; she had six children in her life, the first of whom, a baby girl, was given up for adoption when the mother was young. Mr Westman worked in tech and was not religious or conservative.
After the divorce, the father kept the family home in Hastings, Minn. He later took on a new partner. Ms Westman relocated to a small condo in Eagan, Minn., where she continued working in the administration of the Annunciation Catholic Church and school before moving to Florida in 2022.
“[Robert] was the youngest of five children and experienced a difficult divorce between his parents,” the source says. “Shortly after she signed the form for Bobby, she moved to Florida after he turned 18. She was heartbroken over all of this … She moved away from all of us. ”
The source added: “Mary Grace did not share with us that she signed the [identity change] paper for Bobby. She probably would not have been able to face us. But we would all still have loved and accepted her decision, knowing that her back was against the wall.”
The shooter himself admitted in his manifesto that his mother was not supportive of his transition, and he resented her for it.
“I remember one day, she said something like, ‘In the future you will look back and feel ridiculous about who you feel like you are inside. You will regret this,’” the shooter wrote in his manifesto. He also confessed that he had come to realize he’d been “brainwashed” into becoming trans.
But by then, he wrote, it was too late to go back. “Gender and weed fucked up my head,” he wrote. “I wish I never tried experimenting with either.” For him, de-transitioning would mean admitting defeat, and he worried it would thwart his murder-suicide plans. His chilling conclusion: death before de-transition.